


If You Do

by smuttilyeverafter



Series: If You Do [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Build, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 14:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8536150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smuttilyeverafter/pseuds/smuttilyeverafter
Summary: You've been having a hard time at home, causing you to flee to your best friend and most important person in your life and live with him for the time being. You have feelings for him, but he'd never reciprocate them. Right?





	1. Stay

the veins in your neck were swelling up so much you could feel your throat tighten, making you swallow shallowly. Your chest rose up and down, burning with anger as if it was a volcano, ready to burst. You felt your head getting dizzy from the emotions running through your trembling body and your teeth were gritting. You weren’t even sad but tears were flowing down your cheeks anyway. Anger and crying usually went hand in hand with you. Sadness too, but not this time. You didn’t feel even slightly sad or guilty from the words that were being thrown around your head.

‘You’ve never accomplished anything in your life’

‘You’re useless’

‘You should just get out’

‘I’m not putting up with that shit from people like you’

Sure, those words hurt. But you were way too fed up with this person to let yourself believe them anymore. You were done. You knew you were right and no one could convince you otherwise. Not anymore.

‘Fine.’

You grabbed your most important belongings and stuffed them in a bag. You were so over this shit. They wanted you to get out? Well they’ll finally get what they fucking wished for this time. You didn’t need this shit.

You were heading towards the door, ready to leave and never come back, not even looking back.

‘Where do you think you’re going!?’

You didn’t say anything, you just swung the door open and let it slam shut behind you. You were officially homeless now, but you couldn’t care less. You’d rather sleep on the street in a carton box than to spend one more second inside that mad house. You marched into the pitch black, ice cold night. The wind cut into your flesh, making your face bright red and the warm huffs of breath leaving your body changed into thick, grey clouds of steam, evaporating just as quick as they appeared. You fished your phone out of the pocket of your jacket and dialed the number you knew by memory. You heard the dial tone a few times and you closed your eyes, wishing you’d hear a voice.

‘Hello? ____-?’

‘Thank god, Jackson.’

‘____-, are you okay? What’s wrong?’

You were a bit puzzled by the question at first until you realized your voice had cracked when you spoke his name.

No.

You were not going to cry for this. Not this time.

Not this time.

‘Jackson…’

‘Where are you?’

‘I’m on my way to your house.’

‘I’ll meet you halfway. Keep walking.’

‘Okay.’

After a few minutes you saw a running figure approaching fast and you knew it was him. You let out a relieved sigh. As soon as he reached you, he took you into his arms and pressed you against his chest. The familiar smell and warmth of his body comforted you, so why were those tears streaming down your face again?

‘Shhh. It’s okay. I’m here now. I’m here.’, he hushed.

You just let them pour against his chest and you hated yourself for it. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry for this. Not again, not anymore.

‘The same old song again?’

You nodded your head in silence. He sighed and pulled you closer.

‘Come on, let’s go. You’ll catch a cold.’

You still couldn’t get any words out, so instead you took his hand and squeezed it. He squeezed back. You didn’t need words to understand eachother. And thus you walked through the darkness together, hand in hand, silently.

\----------------------------------------

‘I’m not going back this time, Jackson.’, you said, emotionless. He took off your jacket and hung it on his coathanger.

‘____-… They’re your parents.’

‘I don’t give a shit.’

Jackson looked at you with a worried expression. He could tell there was something different this time. You looked up at him and you could feel your tears stinging behind your eyes again. Damn it, will it ever stop?

‘Jacks… please let me stay here?’

‘Ofcourse, ____-, hey. You know i’m always here for you. You can stay as long as you like.’

‘Thanks.’, you whispered and you wrapped your arms around his waist and nuzzled your face against chest again to relish in his scent. It was the only thing that could calm you down in times like these. You needed him like you needed oxygen. ‘I don’t know what i’d do without you.’

He smiled slightly, kissing the crest of your head before laying his cheek to rest there.

‘It’s okay. I don’t know what i would do without you either.’, he softly said.

‘But i’m only burdening you..’

You felt him shake his head in your hair.

‘Don’t say that.’

You squeezed him closer to you and you wished you could just disappear into him, because close was never close enough.

‘Let’s go to bed, it’s late. I’ll get you one of my shirts to sleep in.’

You nodded and waited for him to come back with one of his simple, black Tshirts, which was way too big for you ofcourse. You smiled at him when he handed you the shirt and retreated to the bathroom to put it on and freshen yourself up a bit. You walked towards Jackson’s bedroom and you only now realized how exhausted you were. You nestled yourself in the covers when you heard a few knocks on the door.

‘Can i?’

‘Yeah sure, come in.’

Jackson walked over to you to tuck you in and place a kiss on your head.

‘ Sweet dreams,___-‘, he smiled his enchanting smile.

He turned around to leave and let you sleep but you quickly grabbed his hand.

‘Where are you going?’

He looked confused.

‘To go sleep on the couch?’

‘Stay? Please? I really don’t want to be alone right now.’

His cheeks flushed a bright pink but he didn’t hesitate to crawl under the covers with you. You’ve been best friends for years but you never slept in the same bed together, although skinship wasn’t anything new between you two. He laid down next to you on his side to spoon you, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. You held on to his arm and let the weariness take over, the pain and worries forgotten for a moment, inside the safe embrace of the most important person in your life.


	2. I Love You

_Eyes closed, drifting along on the clouds beneath the splendid summer sun. On green grass lands, as far as the eyes can reach, only enclosed by forests possessing aerial beauty._

_A pent up breath, followed by the air that filled your lungs like heavenly fresh water on your skin during the passage of a sweltering wind.  
Hope, hopeful…Reaching and looking forward to a new discovery. The soft grasp the world has on you, a gentle embrace from the magic all around…._

_The bright white cloth of your dainty sundress dancing on the breeze as rays of sunshine warmed your smiling face. The sweet aroma of the daisies adorning the ethereal meadow filling your nose with delight._

_Unsuspecting, unconcerned and unjaded, darting through the prodigious paradise, you didn’t notice a foreign frame of a person distorting the pretty picture of the flower-coated pasture, until you nearly tripped over it._

_The sun suddenly got blocked with black clouds, the warmth of the sun and gentle summer breeze cowering away with the approach of assailing icy winds. The melodious, clear chirping of the birds abruptly came to an end and the bouquet of daisies changed into a rotten, disgusting stench._

_The unimaginable happiness enveloping you just mere seconds ago morphing into a feeling similar to despair and overwhelming sadness. You looked down to identify the obstacle that made you trip and you quickly discovered it was a human figure laying spread out on the now arid ground, withered daisies surrounding it._

_Him._

You gasped and slapped your hands over your mouth, your eyes widening almost comically as you screamed at the top of your lungs.

Your whole body was shaking as you abruptly sat up straight and looked around the by the moonlight dimly lit room, completely disorientated and with a staggering breath, tears streaming down your cheeks. 

As you suddenly realized where you were again, you desperately felt around on the mattress until your hand bumped into a solid bundle of blankets, softly rising up and down. You let out a heavy sigh in relief and fell down into the pillows again.

‘I thought i lost you.’, you whispered as you sought his warm, secure arms once more.

What an awful dream. No, make that an awful nightmare.

_What did it mean?_

You tried to shake the nasty memory from your mind and focus on your best friend’s chest, slightly heaving with every breath he took. You cuddled closer against him and his arms subconsciously found their way back around your shoulders. 

Closing your eyes, you listened to his steady, living heartbeat. It immediately calmed you down again, although sleep was a far-off concept now. You were scared the thing you were most afraid of would still be there.

You tilted your head a little, just so you could see his face. He was still soundly asleep and looked so peaceful he must’ve been dreaming of mountains of cheese or getting an award for Best Body of the Universe or something. 

You giggled to yourself as you imagined that event. He’d probably take off his shirt and flex proudly like he always does to show off. However, you stopped giggling internally as you imagined his perfectly toned abs, his broad chest and shoulders, his sinful biceps that were being wrapped around your shoulders right this moment.

You suddenly became very aware of the warmth radiating from his body, his muscular arms squeezing you tightly against him so your soft breasts were pushed closely against his hard abdomen. He was still wearing his black tank top but you could feel the muscle definition right through it. 

Without thinking, your hand moved as if it had a mind of its own, carefully brushing over the exposed skin, easily accessable thanks to the low neck of his top. Your fingers traced the lines of his collarbones and slowly moved further down to his chest. 

You felt your face heating up all over again, excitement stirring in your stomach as you reached the edge of the fabric and slightly pulled it down while your fingers kept going lower.

Jackson softly whimpered and wriggled a bit in his sleep and you quickly pulled your hand back. You were abruptly pulled back to your senses, to reality. You realized what you were doing and started slapping yourself mentally. 

He’s your best friend! What were you doing?! No matter how hot he is, he’s pretty much all you’ve got right now and you couldn’t let your stupid, selfish desires ruin your friendship.

‘____-‘

Your eyes widened as strong arms pulled you closer.

‘____-‘, he murmured your name again as he nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck and sighed blissfully.

Your whole face turned red again and he almost suffocated you in his embrace,yet you wished he’d pull you even closer. You were screaming internally.

He said your name in his sleep!

Does this mean he’s dreaming about you? What would the dream be like? You praid to God it wasn’t like the nightmare you had about him.

He was still breathing softly and he seemed relaxed and calm as he held you tight. You felt like you had the nightmare because you couldn’t feel his presence anymore and you didn’t have his arms around you. Would it be the same for him? Would there be any difference if he didn’t have you in his arms? 

You started to ask yourself questions about your relationship with Jackson. You’ve always had a crush on him from the first moment you laid eyes on him, but he never made anything remotely close to a move so it was clear he wasn’t interested in you that way. He’s flirtatious enough to make a girl clear he likes her, so he wasn’t just being shy. 

Sure, he cared about you. You knew that. But not like that. You were soulmates, best friends, but not lovers. You let that idea go a long time ago.

So why was he like this right now? Was it just coincidence? Maybe he’s just one of those people who need something to cuddle at night without it having to mean something. 

Still, you needed to test it out to know for sure.

You slowly, carefully slipped from the hold of his arms, making sure not to wake him up, and scooted away to the edge of the bed, out of Jackson’s reach. You already missed his warm embrace and you felt incomplete, but you had to see what would happen. You watched his face and its expressions attentively as you waited patiently.

A few minutes went by and you sighed. You couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed with the outcome of your test. It was a stupid test anyway, but still. A small part of you had built up hope again. Hope that maybe he felt more for you than just friendship. 

You took a deep breath and told yourself that what you had now was more than good enough. There’s no one who cares about you more than he does, whether it be as a lover or a friend. The important thing is that Jackson is in your life.

You smiled to yourself as your eyes took in the sight of his handsome face, still in deep sleep. But his expression somehow wasn’t peaceful anymore. With scrunched eyebrows and the corner of his mouth slightly turned downwards, he looked kind of tense.

Could it be?

You silently rolled back over to him until your back was at his chest and almost immediately, his arms wrapped themselves around you again. He pulled you so close there was literally no space left between your bodies. A delicious shiver ran down your spine when you felt him nuzzle against the back of your neck. Seriously, why was this guy so hopelessly adorable in his sleep?

You closed your eyes again, thinking about trying to get some sleep for the few remaining hours after all, until you heard him murmur something again.

‘Ah….owv…ooh…’

Ah owv oo? What the hell is that supposed to mean? You concentrated and tried to make words with this weird babbling.

Ah…A… I? Maybe I?

Ooh… maybe he just means ooh. But what sense would that make? Do? Booh? You?

I….You?

And owv… what could owv mean? I owv you? That sounds ridi-

You stopped breathing for a second or two. No. You’re messing with your own head. He couldn’t have possibly said that. He couldn’t have meant that,right?

He couldn’t have meant…

‘I love you.’


	3. But it's better if you don't

The loud, reverberating sound of the espresso machine filled the house as you empty-headedly stared at it with heavy eyes. You didn’t get any sleep. You’ve been fretting and racking your brain all night about your best friend’s sleep-mumbling, only to come to the painful conclusion that you’re probably delusional and only heard what you wanted to hear.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, you heaved out a heavy sigh and tried to shake the thought from your mind as you took your first sip of hot coffee when Jackson came shuffeling into the kitchen as well.

With sleepy, small eyes, he combed his fingers through his hair, yawning.

‘Morning ____-‘, he smiled and you felt a warm feeling spreading through your chest again. You ignored it.

‘Good morning.’, you greeted him back, your eyes peeking up at him as you hid your face with your mug, pretending to drink so you didn’t have to face him straight on. You quickly turned around to grab another cup and prayed to god he didn’t notice you blushing. ‘Want some coffee?’

You stood up on your tippy toes to reach and open the cupboard, making the black V-neck Tshirt Jackson lended you lift up just a little too much, revealing more of your bare thighs than was moderately appropriate.

Jackson’s eyes widened and he swallowed thickly, his eyes locked on your bare skin until he realized what he was doing. Blinking his eyes a few times, he cleared his throat and acted like he just needed to suppress a cough.

‘Yeah, thanks. How’d you sleep?’

Your breath hitched in your throat and your hand froze in the air in front of the cupboard. You swallowed hard. Why were you like this? Just act normal. He doesn’t need to know anything, it would only make things so awkward. You didn’t even know how you’d go about telling him you thought he confessed his love for you in his sleep. How would you even begin to start such a conversation? Just forget it.

You quickly snapped out of it, realizing you were taking too much time for your answer and were starting to make it weird. Don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be weird. He’s your best friend for christ’s sake, act like it.

‘Oh. I slept fine, thanks.’, you straight up lied to avoid confrontation, trying to sound as casual as possible. ‘How about you?’

‘Well, it’s weird but i haven’t slept this good in ages. I guess it’s because you were there, it was nice not to be alone for a change.’, he smiled halfly as you handed him his cup of coffee.

Your heart was going wild inside your chest and you desperately tried to calm it down, but you didn’t know how. You thought you were over him, that you long accepted the way things were with Jackson. You thought your stupid little crush had evolved into strong, everlasting friendship and you were fine with that. You even preferred it that way. Why were these feelings breaking through again?

‘Oh…That’s nice.’

That’s nice? That’s nice? What was wrong with you?!

A few long seconds of tension followed as you were trying to figure out what to say next while jackson just smiled at the ground, rubbing the back of his head again.

A loud ringtone suddenly echoed through the room and snapped you both out of it, Jackson running towards the sound to pick up his phone.

‘Hello? What? Who?’, he squinted his eyes and listened attentively to the voice on the other side of the line.

‘Amber? Is that you? Oh my god! It’s so nice to hear from you, how have you been? How was Paris?’

You didn’t know why the light in his eyes flickered, or why he smiled from ear to ear. You also didn’t know why it made you feel threatened as hell.

‘Yeah sure, ofcourse you can come over! Tomorrow? What time?’

Come over? Who was Amber and why did she want to come over so badly? Why haven’t you ever heard of her before?

‘Alright see you then! Yeah i’m looking forward to it! Haha, okay. Yeah, bye.’

He hung up the phone, still smiling to himself.

You awkwardly shuffled back and forth on your feet, twisting your mug around in your hands.

‘Hey Jacks…Who was it?’

He looked up from his phone and the smile on his face faltered just a little, but you still noticed.

‘Oh, just a friend i knew since high school. She’s been to Europe for a long time and she’s back in town since today. It’s been a while since i’ve seen her, so…’

‘I see. That’s cool though, i bet you’ll have a lot to catch up on!’, you forced yourself to smile and sound cheerful.

‘Hey, i’m gonna hop in the shower real quick and put on some clothes…Can’t go around wearing your shirt all day, right?’, you chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

‘Oh,right…I’ll start on breakfast then.’

He watched you as you headed for his bathroom, sighing when he heard the door close and the shower running. He nervously raked his fingers through his hair again, like he always does when he feels uneasy.

Why couldn’t he just tell you? It’s not like it was such a big secret and it doesn’t even matter now. But somehow he couldn’t bring himself to tell you everything. What if he scared you away?

That couldn’t happen. Not at any cost.

‘JACKYYYYY!’

As soon as Jackson opened the door, her arms flew around his neck and she pulled him into a crushing hug.

‘I missed you sooooo much, you have no idea!’, she cooed into the crook of his neck.

‘Amber! You’re squeezing me!’, he chuckled, his voice strained from the lack of oxygen.

She slowly let go of him, looking up at him with a dazzling smile, making your own cheeks flush bright red.

Amber was pretty. There was no denying it. She had a slight tomboyish look going on, but it suited her so well. She was so bright she could light up any room she sets foot in. Unlike you, who ran away from home and had to search shelter in your best friend’s house because you had nowhere else to go. Sometimes you felt like a burden, like a dark cloud blocking Jackson’s sunlight.

‘Oh, who’s this?’, Amber directed her question towards Jackson but looked at you curiously. ‘Your girlfriend?’

‘Oh!’ Jackson briefly glanced in your direction before fiercely shaking his head.

‘No no! Uhm, Amber, this is my best friend ____-. She’s staying with me for a while.’

‘I thought i was your best friend.’

A pout immediately appeared on Amber’s face. As if you weren’t slightly offended enough by how quick Jackson was to deny you were his girlfriend, this kind of took you by surprise.

‘Well…You’re, uhm…I mean…’, jackson muttered uncomfortably, looking back and forth between Amber and you.

Amber suddenly bursted into laughter, patting Jackson’s back in a bro-like way.

‘I’m just fucking with you!’

Jackson closed his eyes and sighed in relief. You didn’t know if you should laugh because she was joking, or if you should be worried because he didn’t know what to say.

Amber reached out her hand to you and smiled brightly.

‘It’s nice to meet you, ____-!’

You shook her hand and smiled back. You could tell she was a chill person. Maybe you’d get along well if you’d open yourself up to her.

‘Let’s get inside and tell me all about yourself! I’m dying to know Jacky’s best friend!’

You felt yourself blush as you all made your way towards to living room. She seems really nice. You were sure you’d become good friends over time. After all, if she’s important to Jackson, how could she be a bad person, right?

‘I’ll make us some tea.’, you offered as Jackson and Amber sat down on the couch.

‘Wait, ____-, I can do it.’, Jackson was already standing up from the couch but you waved his offer away.

‘No really, it’s okay. You two catch up.’, you gave him a reassuring smile before you walked off to turn on the water boiler.

Jackson slowly lowered himself back on the couch next to Amber, his eyes lingering on you a few seconds longer.

As you were pooring the hot water into the teapot and adding the tea, you heard Amber and Jackson laughing and talking loudly. They seemed pretty close, you thought. Probably because they’ve known eachother for such a long time. You lifted up the tray with tea and sweets and walked back over to the living room, concentrating not to spill anything.

As you looked up, you felt your heart sink in your chest and the tray slipping out of your fingers, causing the cups to fall to the ground and shattering to pieces, the teapot clanging loud and the tea spilling all over the floor.


	4. Together

‘Jesus ____-! Are you okay?!’

Jackson immediately jumped up from the couch, running over to you as you let yourself fall to your knees. They somehow just…stopped working. Your vision went blurry and you tried your best to keep the stinging, wet film forming on your eyes from turning into visible tears.

‘Shit sorry! I’m so clumsy… What a mess, i’m so sorry.’, you murmured the last sentence as you could interpret it in different ways. You really made a mess of everything. If you hadn’t catched those feelings for your best friend you wouldn’t be sitting here on the floor like this.

‘I’ll just ask my mom for some new cups, it’s really no big d-.’

‘These are your mom’s?!’

And that did it. It’s funny how something so trivial could push you over the edge. Well, not that trivial since you knew how much he loves and misses his mom. These cups must’ve had quite some sentimental value to him. And you broke them. Just like you’ll break your friendship if you continue to behave this way. You felt like a small child, again. No wonder Jackson never felt anything remotely close to romantic for you. You were a mess making messes. Like a baby that needed to be taken care of.

Maybe that’s all you were to him, something that needed to be taken care of.

‘Oh no ____-, did you hurt yourself? Where does it hurt? Show me, i’ll get bandaids!’

Did you hurt yourself? You could say that. Bandaids won’t be able to heal this kind of wound though, unfortunately.

You rubbed away the premature tears he’d noticed with the back of your hand and forced a smile on your face before feverishly starting to pick up the broken pieces of the blue forget-me-not-patterned cups.

‘I’m not hurt it’s just…They’re your mom’s and…’

‘____-, really it’s okay! These things happen, please don’t cry! I’ll get the broom to clean it up.’

‘No it’s fine, it’s my mess. I should clean it up. Don’t worry about me Jackson, i’m fine.’, you whispered as you glanced down at the floor, your face completely flushed, embarrassed and hurt beyond belief as you focused your attention on picking up the porcelain pieces again while what you saw kept playing in front of your eyes like a single second long movie on repeat.

Jackson sat by helplessly, not sure what to do or what to say. He knew he’d only make it worse if he didn’t let you do this. He knew how stubborn you were. He nervously rubbed the back of his head, forcing himself to look at you despite his embarassment.

‘____-… What you saw… Amber was just-’

Your hand froze in the middle of picking up a broken fragment. You stared at the ground as you felt tears welling up again, but managed to hold them back. You held your breath for a split second before you interrupted him.

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about. I didn’t see anything.’

You didn’t see how Amber inched her beautiful face closer to jackson’s. How she parted her lips for him. How he leaned in closer… Maybe you’ll forget about it if you make yourself believe you didn’t see it. It all happened so fast, in the blink of an eye. But that was enough to make your heart crumble in hurt and disappointment.

Jackson’s eyes widened before they glanced down at the ground as well, not knowing how to behave in this situation. His hands fluttered around, trying to find a way to help, trying to get a hold of the situation. He sighed deeply and opened his mouth to try a second time.

‘____-, I-‘

‘I’m gonna get the broom.’

You quickly rose to your feet again before he could add anything else, before he made things even more difficult by trying to deny it. You didn’t blame him, he had no idea how you felt about him after all. Why was he even trying to explain things? It’s not like you had any say in what he does and who he does it with. You were just his silly, problematic best friend.

You scoffed at yourself as your hands balled into fists. How stupid you thought he confessed his feelings for you in his sleep. You really did just hear what you wanted to hear.

You didn’t need any more confusing signals. You turned your back at your best friend still sitting on the kitchen floor, confused and lost for words.

He just kept staring at the ground, at the white broken pieces of porcelain.

‘Jackson? Want some help with that?’

Jackson looked up to see a smile as bright as the sun, though he quickly directed his eyes down at the floor again, as if afraid to get blinded.

‘No i’m good here, thanks. You should get going before it’s too dark… It’s getting pretty late.’, he softly replied while picking up the pieces in your stead.

Amber’s smile faltered when she got the hint, but forced it back on her pretty face almost immediately.

‘Alright. I’ll text you.’

She gave a supportive rub on Jackson’s shoulder before grabbing her bag and heading towards the door.

‘Yeah. Oh, and Amber?’

The beautiful woman looked back over her shoulder and raised her eyebrows in curiosity.

‘Yes?’

‘Your new tongue piercing. It suits you.’, he said, his smile feeble but honest.

Her lips curled up equally as weak, though they seemed to lack the honesty.

‘Thanks.’

And with that, the door closed behind her as she left.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

You rummaged through the small storeroom packed with household products. Damn, how many floor cleaners and mops does he own? You delved deep into the space until you found something that resembled a hand broom and dustpan.

‘Finally.’, you sighed out before putting everything back in its place and heading for the kitchen to clean up your mess… Well, one of them at least.

You spotted Jackson on his knees, picking up the shattered pieces and throwing them in a bucket. Alone.

‘Where’s Amber?’, you asked him with scrunched eyebrows as you looked around the kitchen and living room. No one there except for you and him.

‘She left.’

Your heart stopped for a brief moment. She left? Was it because of you? Why did he look so tormented?

‘Why?’

Jackson looked up from his labor and smiled faintly again. You were sure it was supposed to assure you there was nothing to be worried about, though it had quite the opposite effect.

Your arms fell limp next to your sides, the hand broom and dustpan slapping against your thigh and inflicting slight pain, but you didn’t care about that. Equal parts of relief and distress rose inside your chest. You had a feeling your behavior scared her away from Jackson while he hadn’t seen her in so long. You ruined their reunion. Why was it when you tried to fix your fuckups, you only seemed to pile it up?

‘It’s my fault isn’t it?’, you said so softly your voice was only above a whisper. Your fingers clenched so hard around the handle of the broom your knuckles turned white as you fought back the tears for what seemed like the tenth time that day.

Jackson stared at you in confusion, his mouth gaping almost as wide as his eyes as he got up to his feet and walked towards you.

‘What do you mean?’

You looked up at his pained expression and guilt punched you in the stomach like a sledgehammer. ‘You did this to him,’ you thought to yourself, ‘you put that look on his face.’ The realization that your own darkness was rubbing off on the human embodiment of sunshine was unbearable. You couldn’t keep doing this to him. He didn’t deserve this. Better yet, you didn’t deserve him.

‘I’m only causing you trouble. And pain. I can’t stay here.’, you whispered as you turned around, ready and set to drop everything and pack your stuff.

You had no clue where you’d go, but you’ll come up with something eventually, you were sure. You’d rather even go back to your mentally abusive parents than to ruin your best friend with your issues. They were yours, not his. As long as you stay here, they’ll keep rubbing off on him and he’ll take them as if they were his own. That’s the last thing you wanted.

‘____-, what are you talking about? I told you not to say such things! Where are you going?’, the panic in his voice was unmistakable as he rushed to close the space you were creating by walking away, pulling your back tightly against his chest, his arms locking themselves around your body.

You finally felt the tears streaming down your cheeks. You smiled bitterly. This is how it’s always going to be, isn’t it? You crying, him rushing over to rescue you. This is not the life you want for him. Why did he have to make this so hard? In the end, the sun won’t be able to break through the dark, stormy clouds after all. And you had to leave before they engulfed it wholly. You were sick of being the miserable friend.

‘Don’t leave. You have nowhere to go and you’ve only been here for two days. Let me take care of you,____-. I can make it better, just stay.’

You slowly turned around in his arms, where you wished you could stay forever, but not at the cost of hurting him. You lifted your face to look at him and your heart dropped to your stomach again.

‘Why are you crying, you silly goose?’, you smiled through your tears as you wiped his off his cheeks.

‘Because my best friend’s in pain.’, he answered you, gently rubbing away your tears with his thumb in return. You must look like quite the pair.

‘That’s funny,’ you whispered, ‘That’s also why i’m crying.’

Jackson’s lips found the motivation to curl back up a little when you looked at him like that.

‘Best friends cry together, right? We can do anything as long as we’re together.’, he murmured as he squeezed you against his chest and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, just like when he was asleep. ‘Let me fix it.’

You closed your eyes and wrapped your arms around his torso, inhaling his calming scent as you pushed your face flush between his collarbones. It made you feel light in the head, like nothing else mattered anymore. Fix you huh? Wasn’t that the whole problem here? But his arms felt so safe, so assuring. It was hard to remind yourself of your noble objective when you were floating on a cloud of love and security.

‘As long as we’re together…’, you murmured and buried your face further into his chest.

His arms felt so ensuring, his face in your neck so warm, his voice so honest. How could you possibly gather the strength to walk away from that? 

How could you not believe him?


	5. Secret

‘Rise and shine, sunshine!’

The mattress of Jackson’s bed bounced up and down as he kept furiously jumping on it, making you almost levitate in your still half-unconscious state. You groaned loudly, trying to block out his noisy ass and the sun shining through the curtains by pulling the blanket over your head.

‘You’re not going to spend your birthday laying in bed all day, are you?’, Jackson frowned and tried to pull the blanket off of you.

Birthday? Oh, that’s right. Now that he mentioned it. Ah whatever, it was just a day like any other and you never celebrated your birthday, unless you can call eating ice cream in your sweats and watching TV shows with Jackson a celebration.

‘Yes, i am.’, you mumbled, your hands tugging on the blanket and your voice hoarse with sleep. You slept so well for the first time in ages, you weren’t going to let it end so soon.

‘I won’t let you do that! Get up! We need to- celebrate- the day you were- born! ____-, Let go!’

A true battle for the blanket took place as you didn’t want to let go of the happy and warm cocoon protecting your sleepy and cold body, while your best friend tried to tear it away from you with short and hard pulls. In the end you were no match for his trained biceps. What a surprise there.

Another whine left your lips when you curled yourself up into a ball, trying to preserve the previous warmth from your precious blanket.

‘Why are you like this?!’, you whaled loudly, desperately draping your arm over your eyes to block the sunlight again.

Your only response was a wide grin on his face and his hands grabbing your wrists to pull you out of your fetal position and onto your feet.

‘Jacksoooooon!’

‘It’s 8:30, you had plenty of sleep! Now go to the bathroom and-’

Your eyes flew open at that. 8:30??

‘Oh hell no.’, you growled indignantly and crawled back into his bed, burying your face in the pillows. How dare he wake you up that early? On your birthday?! You may be acting like a stubborn brat right now, but he knows you hate early mornings better than anyone.

You heard an evil snicker even through the isolation of the pillowfort on your head and you squeezed your eyes shut, silently awaiting his next move. But nothing happened. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. You knew that little damn snicker meant something was going to happen. And that you wouldn’t like it.

You removed one pillow from the fort to take a peak, your curiosity taking over your stubbornness. But you know what they say…Something with a cat.

Two strong arms suddenly lifted you up in the air and the warm and comfortable fort of pillows stayed behind in a heap on the bed when Jackson carried you out of the bedroom before you knew it. Hmph. You’d rather have him carry you inside. You shook your head at that thought when it caused your heart to thump loudly again.

‘Gotcha!’, he grinned when you glared at him, you arms crossed over your chest. Where was he taking you anyway?

Your unspoken question was quickly answered when he kicked the bathroom door open and dropped you in his bathtub, leaving you to sit there in your PJ’s and utterly baffled.

‘You have one hour to get ready before we start our dayplanning! Happy birthday ____-!’, were his last words before he blew you a kiss and pulled the bathroom door closed.

‘What the hell is his deal…’, you grumbled under your breath as you started removing your clothes to take a shower. You might as well get ready now you’re already here. But if he thought you’d keep it within his stupid time limit, he was dead wrong.

You let the hot water of the shower envelop your body as you started to shampoo your hair. You wondered what he had planned for today. Normally he just showed up or you’d come over and be lazy together and you were totally fine with that. Why did he feel the need to prepare something today? Was it because you lived together now?

A shy smile adorned your face nevertheless, you couldn’t help but be a little excited. No one ever prepared something for your birthday, it’s kind of thrilling! Not to mention you slept amazing, he might not remember it but Jackson spooned you all night. You slept like a baby in his arms.

After a vague amount of time, you stepped out of the shower to brush your teeth and get your makeup done when you realized you didn’t bring any clothes. Or fresh underwear. You couldn’t ask Jackson to bring them to you either, how embarrassing would that be? And you hated wearing already worn clothes after you showered. Towel it is then.

You wrapped the towel around your body, but soon noticed it was tiny. It was a tiny towel. What did you expect from a guy living on his own? What would he need bath towels for? You draped it around you as well as you could while it barely covered your ass.

‘It’s okay as long as i don’t bend over.’, you thought to yourself and shrugged. What were you worried about? No one sees you in here anyway.

You were just about to brush your teeth when Jackson barged in unannounced.

‘Okay hour’s up, let’s g- Oh.’

His mouth fell agape and he froze in the doorway while his face turned beet red. Your eyes widened as you desperately searched for another towel to cover you up better, but you found none.

‘Jackson! What the hell!’, you squeaked in embarrassment, your face matching his.

‘I-i-i thought- i just thought that-‘

‘Oh my god, just close the door!’

‘Right, okay.’

You stared at the door in disbelief. He saw your ass, didn’t he? He just saw your bare ass. You couldn’t believe this, you didn’t want to believe it, nope. You quickly threw on your worn clothes before you furiously started brushing your teeth, as if you could clean the embarrassment off of you if you just brushed hard enough.

‘This didn’t happen, this didn’t happen, this didn’t happen!’

It took a while for your face to calm down again, but you slapped some makeup on anyway, just to make sure. You quietly tip-toed out of the bathroom and sprinted towards the bedroom when you confirmed the coast was clear. You locked yourself in when you changed underwear and clothes, making sure he couldn’t barge in here as well.

You made your way to the kitchen with a heavy heart, reminding yourself he couldn’t see you blush through your foundation.

‘Tadaaah! Made some breakfast for my birthday girl!’

Your eyes first fell on his cute and happy smiling face. Then, you noticed the table packed with all kinds of food. Fresh fruit, yoghurt, muesli, shortbreads, pancakes, waffles and of course, cake.

‘Whaaaat is this?’, you gasped and grinned from ear to ear, the previous embarrassment long forgotten when you realized how much effort he must’ve put in this awesome breakfast. You were truly so touched.

‘It’s a table.’

‘I…I can see that, Jackson. I mean, when did you make all this? You even got me flowers?!’, you exclaimed excitedly as you sat down at your chair, which he turned into a throne of balloons and festoons.

‘I did it when you were asleep. I got up a few hours before you.’, he grinned, incredibly pleased with himself. And rightfully so.

‘Ahw, this is amazing! Thank you so much JiaJia, you’re the best!’, you squeaked as you pulled him into a crushing hug which he returned equally as crushing before he let go again.

‘Come on, eat, eat! We’ll have alot to do today and i’ll make sure you eat well before tonight.’

You were just stuffing a pancake into your mouth when you frowned and asked, ‘What’s tonight?’

He just stared at you with that wide grin and did his weird eyebrow thing.

‘I’m buying you shots.’

\-------------------------------------------------------------

‘___- hurry, we’re going to be late! Everyone’s there already!’, jackson urged you when you were still trying to close the strap on your pumps.

‘I’m getting there! The more you hurry me, the less likely it is i’ll be ready faster!’

He rolled his eyes but patiently waited for you to be ready as the cab waited outside to take you to the club. The thought of it made you a little anxious.

‘Ugh Jackson, i don’t know. I haven’t been to a club in ages…’, you muttered as you wriggled yourself into the backseat of the cab.

‘No chickening out now!’, he sang as he placed himself beside you. ‘We’re dressed nice, you even put on makeup and did your hair, it’d be a waste.’

Well, you couldn’t argue with that. And he was dressed really nicely. You always loved seeing him in all black like that, it suited him so well. And maybe it’ll be good to be with people and get a lttle social again. You might actually enjoy this night after all.

Jackson wasn’t lying though, when you arrived there was already a good amount of people waiting, some of them friends of yours you hadn’t seen in months or even years, but you were glad to see them now. Others were just friends of theirs who tagged along, and some were friends of Jackson’s, but you didn’t mind.

It was already pretty late so you pretty much dove straight into it, the first round of shots paid by Jackson, as he promised, and it wouldn’t be the last. Your friends kept ordering round after round and they didn’t allow you to spend one single penny in return.

‘But it’s my birthday, i should be the one giving out rounds!’, you yelled loudly, the alcohol making your head feel light a light ball of fluff after your 7th shot.

‘Don’t worry babe, i got this.’, A guy named Mark winked at you and went to order the next round. He used to be your highschool crush before you met Jackson, and you used to be very close. You remembered what a great friend he was and how much fun you used to have. Especially when he and Jackson became friends too, before he went to live with his girlfriend and you lost all contact for years so you were glad you had this opportunity to catch up.

‘Hey Jacky! And ____-, happy birthday!’

You looked up to find the face that belonged to the familiar voice and your face fell a bit. So Amber’s here too, huh?

‘Hey Amber. Thanks.’, you smiled politely, raising your shot glass and chugging it down in one go.

‘Whoow, i see you’re going for it tonight!’, she cheered you on, but little did she know you needed that extra shot to cope with how she looks tonight.

She looked incredibly gorgeous, like some kind of goddess. Last time you saw her she was dressed pretty gender neutral, maybe even slightly tomboyish, but now… The dress that hugged her curves was skin-tight and amazingly pretty. She wore high heels, making her long legs stand out even more. And she wore makeup, accentuating her already drop-dead gorgeous face. You felt the courage sinking into your shoes, that’s why you needed some more liquid ones.

After a while, she tugged on your arm, her lips pouting a bit as if to gain sympathy.

‘___-, i really need to go to the bathroom, can you come with me? Please?’

You actually needed to go as well so hell, why not? Going together is always better than alone.

Amber was touching up her makeup when you came out of the stall to do the same.

‘You look really pretty tonight.’, she complimented you, making you blush.

‘Not as pretty as you though. You’re gorgeous.’, you shyly admitted, not sure if this was uncomfortable or just bonding between girls. You never had many girl friends.

‘Ah, nonsense!’, she smiled before she applied some more lipstick.

‘No, it’s true. You’re probably every guy’s type.’

‘Well, i’m clearly not Jackson’s.’, she chuckled when she whipped out her compact powder and started brushing over the shiny spots on her face.

That left you speechless for a moment.

‘What do you mean?’, you asked, confused.

‘Well, he and i dated for a few years in highschool but he- Wait, didn’t he tell you this?’, she questioningl frowned at you in the mirror but quickly lost interest again.

‘Well, anyway i’m going to try again tonight. It’s not too late! Wish me luck!’, she blew you a kiss before going back inside the packed club and leaving you behind to watch your own shocked face in the mirror.

Amber…Still has feelings for Jackson? They were together in highschool? Would he reciprocate those feelings?

You shook your head and looked yourself determined in the eyes.

‘Don’t let this catch you off guard. If he still loved her, they would’ve been back together by now. You can still do what you wanted to do tonight. You got this.’

After giving yourself some pep talk, you went back to the group, seeing Jackson and some guy you didn’t know talk. Must be a friend of someone, you thought.

You made your way to the crowd of people and sighed relieved when you could already hear their voices, meaning you were close. You couldn’t wait to tell him how you really felt, you’ve been bottling this up for way too long. The shots gave you some kind of irrational courage and you felt like it was now or never, before Amber made her move and you had to watch them be together for the rest of your life. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, you don’t want to have any regrets.

‘…Yeah i mean you’re right she is kind of pathetic but she’s also kinda hot though, don’t you think? Like, a hot mess? Did you at least bang her?’, the guy laughed while he patted Jackson on the shoulder, making you stop in your tracks.

You felt heavy, and you could feel your heart sink and break into a million pieces. Was that how he really felt about you all this time? You knew you were a burden to him, you knew-

‘Watchu doing here by yourself?’, someone spoke in your ear from behind you. You quickly turned around to find it was Mark, looking at you with childish curiosity that turned into worry when you quickly tried to rub away the tears you didn’t know were streaming down your cheeks.

‘Are you okay?’, he asked in concern, not sure what to do in this situation.

‘Yeah i’m fine, i was just-‘

You suddenly heard the sound of glass breaking and a falling table, making you whip your head back to the direction you were first looking at before mark startled you.

Jackson had his hands on the jacket of the guy he was just talking to and lifted him up by it, his fingers balled into fists around the fabric and his face seething.

‘You’re a fucking jerk, talking about her like that on her own birthday party. I only said she’s staying with me because of some problems at home, asshole!’, he growled, pushing the guy harshly back in his seat and storming off, grabbing Amber’s hand and dragging her with him in the process.

You were happy that what you’ve overheard turned out to be a misunderstanding. You were so relieved. But another worry started to creep inside your mind when you saw him taking off with Amber like that. You smiled bitterly. Well, she did say she was going to try again. Who could resist her, anyway? And you sure as hell couldn’t blame her.

‘Wow, that was wild. Hey, ____-, what were you saying before?’, Mark tried to grab your attention again.

‘Oh…I’m just a little tired…I think i’m going to grab a cab and call it a night.’

‘Really? Let me just drive you home, i only had two beers. Saves you the cost of a cab.’

You were nodding to his offer before you knew it, your thoughts so overwhelmed by the images of Amber and Jackson you even forgot to send him a text you were leaving.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Why did you bring such a dick to ___-’s party? I thought you were coming alone!’

‘No one else was free! And i didn’t want to show up alone, everyone brought friends!’

‘I just didn’t know you had friends like that. And why are you dressed like this? I barely recognize you. Not that it’s not pretty but…It’s just..so not you?’

Amber bit down on her bottom lip to fight back the tears that were stinging behind her eyes as she stared at the ground. She really did try everything to make him look at her again, but it obviously didn’t change anything.

‘You’re right. It isn’t. To be honest, i hate wearing dresses and heals. And makeup.’, she whispered.

‘I know you do, that’s why i said it… Hey, i’m sorry… I didn’t want to make you feel bad. You look really pretty, I just don’t understand why you want to change yourself.’, Jackson said in the calmest voice, his hand soothingly rubbing her arm.

‘I have to go back inside now, make sure ____- doesn’t drink herself into oblivion.’

‘It’s fine, i was gonna smoke one anyway.’, she assured him, holding up the cigarette she was about to lit.

He smiled apologetic.

‘Smoking is bad for you.’, were his last words before he went back into the club.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Aren’t you going to invite me in? It was a pretty long drive…And i’m kinda thirsty…’

‘Oh…Yeah of course, i’m sorry. Come in.’, you smiled as you turned the key around in the lock.

You let yourselves in and you took off your coat to hang it up before undoing your shoes, which proved to be a more difficult task than you’d anticipated while being a bit intoxicated. Well, maybe more than ‘ a bit’, but you were okay. You knew your limits…Kind of.

‘What would you like to drink?’, you asked Mark as you made your way to the fridge.

‘Do you have some champagne left?’

‘Yeah it seems so.’

‘Let’s just finish the bottle.’, he suggested, a playful smirk on his face which made you giggle a little. You didn’t know what was so funny, but you blamed it on the alcohol.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jackson approached Amber on the dancefloor while she was moving her body in the sexiest of curves, her tight dress wrapped around her divine line like a second skin. She was losing herself in the music, not paying any attention to the hungry wolves surrounding her who were almost breaking into a fight with eachother to be the one standing closest to her. He could see the predatory look in their eyes and he knew it was only a matter of seconds before one would try and take advantage of the opportunity.

‘Amber-‘

Her eyes flew open as she snapped out of her trance when she heard Jackson’s voice. She smiled widely and squeaked a little, wrapping her arms around Jackson’s neck and almost hanging onto him with her full weight.

‘Zjackyyyy! Where were youuu, i mmmished you sho mmuch!’, she slurred, obviously drunk as a sailor. Though he knew she couldn’t hold it down like a sailor.

Great, another thing these thirsty bastards could take advantage of.

‘You’re hammered Amber, let’s get you home, okay?’, he smiled kindly as he grabbed her hand to guide her out of the circle of drooling predators.

‘Noooo! Dance with me Jacky!’, she whined, pushing her body closer to him, and closer, until not even a single hair could get between them.

‘Come on, baby…Just like we used to…’, she whispered in his ear, her voice so smooth like honey and sensual, it made a shiver surge down Jackson’s spine.

Jackson watched the jealous, envious stares of the other men, some older than him, some obviously younger. He tightened his arms around her as he looked them dead in the eyes, until they finally took off and scattered themselves across the dancefloor to find another victim.

‘Jackson…’, Amber sighed, her body and mind in a haze of alcohol and lust when he lowered his lips to her ear and whispered,

‘You’re drunk, you need to go home.’

Amber suddenly felt significantly less intoxicated after hearing those words.

‘W-what?’

‘I’ll call you a cab. You shouldn’t hang around here on your own or go home by yourself.’

‘Oh…’, she whispered, disappointed. ‘Alright…’ He was obviously not interested in going home with her.

‘Let’s go.’

He took her hand once again and made sure she didn’t get lost in the sea of sweating, dancing bodies while his eyes searched feverishly for your face. He hadn’t seen you in over an hour now.

Jackson wrapped his jacket around her shoulders as they waited outside for the cab to arrive and take her to her apartment.

‘Hey Amber…Have you seen ____-? I can’t seem to find her anywhere.’

Amber scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, her drunk mind slow and lagging, until it hit her.

‘____-? She left an hour ago.’

‘She…she left?’, he asked her, as if to confirm if he heard it right.

The cab finally arrived and pulled over right in front of them. Amber gave him back his jacket before she got in.

‘Did you see how? Was she alone?’, he kept asking her, the panic in his voice growing more prominent.

‘She was with Mark, i saw them getting into his car and taking off.’

‘With Mark?!’

Jackson threw a handfull of bills on the front seat of the cab before sprinting to the nearest one just arriving to pick up a waiting couple. He jumped into the front seat, the couple indignantly yelling at him that he just stole their cab. He quickly apologized but told the driver to step on it nevertheless.

Amber let out a scoff, as if she couldn’t believe her eyes. So this was how things were huh?

‘Well, he always had a thing for fix-ups.’, she muttered bitterly under her breath before giving the driver her address.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You gulped for air, tears streaming down your face, your hands clawing at your aching stomach as you cried it out.

‘Holy shit Mark! That was so-so fu-funny!’, you gasped when another laughter attack hit you in the guts. You were both laying spread out on the couch, chests vibrating with roaring laughter and breaths staggering as you tried to calm down for the third time. You took deep breaths, some straying giggles inbetween until you were okay again.

‘Damn…’, you sighed out in relief, glad your stomach could recuperate again. ‘We really drank alot.’

‘Shit, we did.’, he chuckled in agreement.You found another hidden bottle of champagne in the basement and decided to finish that one too while you were at it. Add that to the drinks in the club and you had a total amount of alcohol you were too drunk to calculate.

‘But, Mark…How are you going to get home now? You can’t drive like this.’, you wondered out loud, only now remembering he brought you here in his car.

‘Who said anything about going home tonight…’, And the atmosphere suddenly turned very serious as he was looking at you through his eyelashes and…Was he sitting this close to you before?

‘I’ll just spend the night here.’, he whispered before leaning over, cupping your face and planting his lips on yours in a heated kiss.

You were shook, honest to god just dumbfounded with this sudden unexpected action. For the first few moments, you didn’t even know what was happening but when you finally did, a burning feeling of panic surged through your chest. Your mind was clouded and your reactions were slow and although the panic was very present, you hesitated.

That slight hesitation was enough for Mark to kick it up a notch, his tongue gliding over your lips and demanding access. But did you want to give it to him? You didn’t know, did you want this? This was wrong…So wrong…

‘Open up for me baby…’, he softly moaned against your lips, though it was nothing short of a dominant request. Hell it wasn’t even a request, it was an order. And it did feel nice…You haven’t been kissed in so long…

You let him in in a moment of weakness, but as soon as his tongue entwined with yours, you instantly regretted your decision. You couldn’t do this, it didn’t feel right…

You placed your hands flat on his chest and softly pushed him off of you as you were both slightly panting with excitement, yours another kind than his.

‘Jackson-’, you started, but you were quickly silenced by his mouth.

‘It’s okay, he won’t mind.’, he muttered against your lips as he hungrily devoured them again while pushing you down on the couch cushions.

‘Mark, I-‘, you tried again, the uncomfortable feeling in your chest just getting more urgent the more you thought about Jackson.

‘Shhh, baby. Don’t say anything. It’s okay.’, he literally crushed his mouth on yours to shut you up, to the point it was almost painful and you could barely breathe.

You pushed him off of you again, this time more firmly and harder to get the message across.

‘No, it’s not okay. I can’t do this Mark, i’m-‘

But there he went again, as if your words were just mere air, as if he didn’t hear them at all. His touches grew more rough, more aggressive when he started fondling your breast with one hand and pushing your dress up with the other. This was escalating way too quickly and you didn’t want this. You didn’t want this!

You squirmed and thrashed underneath him, your lips painful and probably bruised from his hard and unwanted kisses, panic now overwhelming any other feeling or thought as it rang in your head like an alarm bell.

You shoved him off of you with all your might and slapped him hard in the face. You weren’t going to be a pathetic little doll he could use as he pleased. You weren’t going to be that kind of girl who couldn’t do anything else than hope and wait for someone else to save her. Jackson…Jackson has saved you more than enough times to the point it made you embarrassed. You needed to prove you could take care of things yourself.

‘What the fuck?!’, Mark yelled furiously, his hand soothing the stinging red print of your hand on his cheek.

‘What is wrong with you?! I said no!’, you yelled back at him, tears stinging behind your face anyway. You trusted him. You’ve known him for so long. How could he?

‘What do you mean, no?! You were all over me! You kissed me!’

‘I changed my mind!’

‘Well shit you did, you fucking tease!’, he spat venomously, and it was like you took a punch to the stomach. This was supposed to be your friend?

You opened your mouth to yell something back, but someone else beat you to it.

‘Get the fuck out of my apartment.’

You both whipped your heads towards the sound and you wanted to cry from relief.

‘Jackson…It’s not what it looks like, we were just-‘, Mark stammered, trying to save his own skin on the spot.

‘I said. Get the fuck. Out of my apartment.’

His voice sent a shiver down your spine. You’ve never heard this tone from him before. It was calm, scarily calm. Like a deep ocean that seemed still on the surface, but a tsunami could erupt from the bottom any second.

Mark walked over to him, laughing everything away as if that would convince him, probably the worst idea possible.

‘Come on man, you know i’d never-‘

A well-aimed right hook landed on the same cheek you marked with your handprint and you could swear you heard something crack. It was completely silent for 2 seconds before Mark spit out the blood out of his mouth and looked back at Jackson with a look equally as scared as regretful.

‘I’m sor-‘

‘Don’t apologize to me, you pathetic asshole! Apologize to her!’, he finally screamed his lungs out to his now ex-friend, grabbing him by his collar and dragging him over to you.

You were stunned. You’ve never seen him like this before. You’ve always seen him like a fluffy puppy, like a buff teddybear.

Mark was now standing in front of you again, his head down in shame and pain as you watched his jaw slowly turn blue. And you couldn’t help but pity him a little.

‘I’m sorry, ____-…. I’m a pathetic asshole. I should’ve listened.’

You nodded briefly before averting your eyes, this was turning really awkward, really fast. Luckily Jackson noticed your discomfort and decided not to drag it out.

Without releasing Mark’s collar, he now dragged him to the front door, opened it and threw him in the hallway.

‘Get out. And get out of my face. If i ever see you near her again, i’ll fucking kill you.’, he threatened, his voice loathing and dripping with disgust.

He slammed the door shut so hard, you thought the wall was going to fall down. You suddenly realized neither you nor Mark had heard him coming in. How long had he been standing there? What did he hear? What did he see?

Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment as you started to panic all over again. What must he think of you now… You really screwed up again, didn’t you?

‘Jackson…’

He reached you with a few big steps and crushed you against his chest before you could utter one more word, because he already knew what you were going to say.

‘Are you okay?’, he murmured in your hair when he tightened the hug even more.

‘I’m fine Jackson, i promise…’, you whispered against his shirt, your arms closing around his waist. That scent…That familiar scent that never failed to calm you down no matter how stressed out you were or what you’ve been through.

‘I should’ve come sooner, i’m so sorry i was late but i couldn’t find you anywhere at the club and by the time i knew you left, i-‘

You looked up from his chest and laid a finger on his lips to shush him. You couldn’t hear this.

‘What are you apologizing for? Jackson, although i’m so happy and thankful that you’re always there for me, I don’t have to be saved all the time, you know? You weren’t too late because…I like to think i can take care of myself once in a while too… I can’t keep depending on you for everything my whole life. It’s not healthy, for neither of us.’

He silently watched you and listened to you speak, hearing you out for what you had to say.

‘I don’t want to be a lost kitten or a damsel in distress… I want to be your friend.’ You internally cringed a little at that word, but it was true.

Jackson nodded slowly.

‘I understand, but… ___-, Looking out for you and taking care of you isn’t out of charity or compassion… It’s because i…I care about you. You’re the most important person in my life and i hate to see you hurt. It hurts me too, so it’s actually a selfish act.’, he shrugs, trying to lighten the mood a bit. And it worked.

You smiled at him and nuzzled your face back into his chest to hide your blushing cheeks as you giggled, your previous drunken haze slowly creeping back in now the adrenaline is fading inside of his comfortable arms.

He chuckled amused and created a little distance to take a better look at you.

‘You’re drunk, aren’t you?’

You grinned and nodded your head a little delayed.

‘Yup.’

‘Alright let’s get you to bed then.’

‘Why? I’m not sleepy yet.’

That made him raise his eyebrows. Challenge accepted.

‘This morning i had to drag you out of that bed and now you don’t want to get in?’

‘That’s right.’

He wordlessly sweeped you off your feet, making you yelp in surprise when the solid ground was replaced with two strong arms.

‘Gotcha.’, he smiled widely as he carried you towards the bedroom.

You were having a major déja-vù, mixed with the excitement of the realization that your wish from this morning was coming true. You felt your cheeks heat up again, your heart pounding hard in your chest when he dropped you on his mattress and lingered on top of you a little longer.

‘Can i tell you a secret?’, he smiled and whispered softly as he brushed a strand of hair out of your face.

You nodded your head, your eyes wide and you could practically hear your heart beat in your ears. Everything was spinning, you were getting dizzy, a warm feeling spreading through your chest…

He leaned further down, only a few inches away from your face.

‘I-‘

You wanted to listen to what he had to say, you wanted to hear it so, so bad. But the warm feeling inside your chest turned out to be something else from what you’d thought.

You quickly threw him off of you, covering your mouth the best you could as you felt a wave coming up and you ran to the bathroom as fast as your feet would possibly let you, only to fall to your knees in front of the toilet and throw up all the consumed liquor from that evening.


End file.
